your thong is hanging out like whoa
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
