I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
