id be glad to
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
