definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
