I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
