I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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