how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
