Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
