She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You can't special order awesome
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
