I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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