you would pick up someone in the library
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
