Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
