it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
