When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He has the fingertips of a God
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