People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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