gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
