you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
