Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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