whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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