In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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