Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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