you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
