Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You made out with two different species that night
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
