Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
