highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
