I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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