I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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