If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
