Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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