All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
