I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
