I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
