Grow some girl-balls and come out already
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
did i walk over a car last night?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
