Pappa wants mamma naked
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm sobbing to NWA
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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