I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
