I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
