I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
