i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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