Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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