1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
