I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I met the friendliest cop last night
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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