she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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