Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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