when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
