I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so that wasnt chicken after all
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
