peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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