Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
