Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we're so committed to being not committed
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
