so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
