where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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