i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
