last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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