Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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