My first STD was from a foam party
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize