Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
