He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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