It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
