Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
