I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I fill condoms, not promises.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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