i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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