Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
