I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My vagina just recognized that song.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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