Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
