You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
