So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize