xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
