i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
