The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
