i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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