I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I want a musical about memes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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